By Ene Elizabeth Adeka
This post was originally supposed to be “How to Survive Christmas with Your Family” but since my family is on social media, I’d rather save it for when I have a less telltale title. I hope you are ready to end the year on a positive note.
Now I know we all have our bad sides and sometimes we tend to display that one minute craze that is allocated to each one of us but some take it to the extreme. If you are in a relationship, you ought to have the heart of a lover not a fighter.
What Are Your Relationship Goals?
Every goal you set ought to be a SMART (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and time-targeted) goal and this holds true even for your relationship. So using the SMART GOAL MODEL, here is a list of 5 ways plus one more free tip you can review how far you’ve come in your relationship. Ready?
Perhaps I should start with the most important of all; being specific. Some of you are confused because your hearts are in different bodies. From Nigeria to Berlin, you have a boyfriend in every significant city in the world. Be specific, who exactly are you dating or willing to date?
While you think this is a smart behavior, it is actually a dumb move. It would cost you more time, energy and resources to keep up with and satisfy multiple partners. If you are on this list, you ought to settle down and decide for yourself what you want in a partner, set your eyes on one and be committed to making the best out of the relationship.
Every goal ought to be measurable. Perhaps you are not on the multiple-dating list; you have successfully tamed your emotions and disciplined yourself into being committed to one person. I am happy for you, you deserve a standing ovation as this is a feat only great people achieve.
Next, measure the progress of your relationship. You might ask,
“How do you measure how well I’ve conducted myself or how much of a blessing this relationship has been to me this year?
It’s simple: pains and gains.
Have you cried or felt depressed this year more than you have in your entire life? You ought to be dating a human not an onion darling.
Did you achieve goals you set because they motivated you and were your greatest fans this year?
Do you spend more time worrying about what they are doing, who they are doing it and where?
Do you feel under-appreciated than loved in the relationship?
Do they share their dreams and ambitions with you or do you feel like a stranger passing through the gates of their heart?
Do you feel like you have a place and role to play in helping them achieve those dreams?
Did you fight them more than you showed them love this year? Same goes for them.
Petty fights, long breaks filled with unnecessary silence and complaints rather than compliments are classic signs of a relationship that will not stand the test of time. If your answers to the above questions are “yes” then you need to call for an urgent meeting with your partner.
3. Achievable Goals
A relationship is not supposed to take away your drive to succeed personally or reduce your I.Q. What goals did you achieve because they came into your life? Are you more of a loser now and even more unproductive because you are dating them?
How well have they challenged you mentally, spiritually, financially and personally? Do you feel like you are a better person since you met them or do you feel like a bum? One of the ways to identify toxic relationships is to compare how productive you were before you met them with how productive you are now that you are dating them.
4. Realistic Goals
Do they expect you to live up to absurd and surreal expectations? Be their live wire and the ultimate walking experience of their version of events? While it is commendable to aim for the higher things in life, it is also good to keep your eyes above the clouds and expectations of people.
Be the best version of yourself, live out the best version of your dreams and if they still are not satisfied, politely explain how castles can be built in the air only if you start by laying the foundations on the ground. What you need is someone willing to work their way from the bottom to the top with you not some passer-by in the first class cabin of a plane they didn’t even pay for.
Ask them questions like:
Are you proud of me?
Are there things you wish would change about me?
Does my current financial status worry you?
Are you committed to helping us build each other in every area we need to improve on?
Don’t waste valuable time pouting for the cameras only to end up as timeline updates for people doing obviously better than you.
Every relationship is headed somewhere…it is up to you to determine where yours head. Some are headed for the rocks; others are headed for greatness and trans-generational impact. Is yours always headed for the clubs, parties and social media updates?
Dear Safaya, you need to change destination in 2019. Time is one of the ways you can plot your relationship journey. Do you want to be eternally engaged to a man or woman who isn’t ready to move to the next stage of your relationship?
Put a time frame to the stages in your relationship…do not be the victim of a “We dated for 10 years and had to call the whole thing off when I realized commitment was not high on their priority list” love affair.
What are the homes you greatly admire, the lives you wish to emulate and the families you greatly respect and hope to be like? Find them, find out how they did it, practice it in 2019.
Good news!!! Black Safaya Series on the life and times of a beautiful young woman will come your way soon. You will like this one!
And this wraps up today’s post…remember sharing is caring. If you have comments or more things you wish couples would review, share your thoughts with our awesome community in the comment box.