Ene Elizabeth Adeka
The man of your dreams just walked through your front door and into your life…congratulations! What could be better than leaving your clique of single girls in the singles zone? You now have a man to love and call your own! Life just got sweeter, early morning calls are now the norm; love has finally found you. Hallelujah!
Until you realize that entering a relationship is like applying to get accepted into college.
You have two options: learn all you can, while you can or stab classes, skip assignments and ultimately drop out. Just like getting an education, a relationship is like the classroom hustle sister, the only difference? You never graduate! Sometimes, you have to listen, other times you may have to ask questions and on special occasions, you may be required to join the discussion.
What Do You Talk About In Your Relationship?
Some relationships are like the graveyard…nobody talks. Love is a talkative...it is always seeking to express itself in a million different ways. Such silence is bad for your relationship. There has got to be something to discuss…goals, the future, business, finance…I’m getting ahead of myself.
It is important you know when to talk, how to talk and what to talk about in your relationship. If all else fails in the relationship, never lose the communication lines, always create room for grievances, worries or fears to be expressed. There are a billion and one people you should be afraid of talking to, your man should not be one of them.
Be Naked and Unashamed
Someone just blushed. Relax! I am not asking you to put on some skimpy excuse for a cloth and go a-seducing.
There is a principle I use and I advise most people in a COMMITTED and LOVING relationship to adopt. I call it being Naked and Unashamed and it was lifted off the pages of the Bible.
It says both Adam and Eve were naked and unshamed. It is in summary the ability to say, act , feel or do anything (provided it does not go against your beliefs whether spiritual or secular and your conscience) in a relationship. Below are the six things you should unashamedly talk about in your relationship.
1. Ex Chronicles
The ones we used to love…we’re either recovering from them, wishing we would have a second chance at loving them or hoping we don’t have a repeat of them.
While it is totally unacceptable to compare your ex with your next or current partner, it is important you discuss the whys and buts of the past relationship.
If they broke up and now want to hook up, you should know why the last relationship did not work out in the first place. Failure to talk about this sometimes become the breeding ground for doubts and mistrust. Understand that the mind when idle or left to itself can conjure up the most absurd of situations.
Save yourself the stress of having to explain why your Ex called by laying a foundation that reinforces trust. And you do that by burying the past alone and then together with your partner.
We all have them…ever since Eve ate the apple and Mama whispered the “Don’t talk to strangers” line while she dropped us off at school.
It takes just a little dose of the doubt pill and not proof to break a relationship. You should be willing to ask if they trust you. Better still, do you trust your partner?
Any nagging fear or suspicion should not be swept under the carpet. Admittedly, trust is first proven and earned over time. However, if you cannot ask whether they trust you or not, then you shouldn’t be trusted in the first place.
Finances are not gender selective Dahlink! No, not in the 21st century anyway.Money answers all things…and love, just like that business you’re about to start is capital intensive. However, I am not talking about the kind of money that buys birthday gifts or valentine surprises. I am talking about money that can run a life with just enough left to buy pressed powders for you or a silk tie for his birthday.
Before the baby diaper diaries begin.
A responsible man will have no need for your money but still it is important we know who does what. Till debt do us part is the testimony of many love affairs and so, to avoid touching stories, you should talk about your finances. Can you wait? Are you proud of their current financial status but also willing to help them aspire for more? Answer that.
Before you demand from a man in the present what only his future bank account can deliver, make sure you are valuable too. Be futuristic madam, why eat chocolates now when he can build a factory of it in the future?
Say after me, “Boundaries”!
Yes! The touch nots and the do nots are high on the talk list. How far is far gone? What are your triggers? Yes! Sex (well I just said it after all) has triggers. I believe you are both adults and so have the mental capability and physical endowment to make a relationship work.
However, the greatest lie we tell ourselves in a relationship is ” We don’t have to talk about sex. We can handle the tension when it comes.” Girl! Even if he swore an oath of celibacy before his ancestors or you wear a nun habit every time you see him, talk about the forbidden fruit. You know the zings you feel each time he touches your hand…better tell him so you don’t “accidentally” end up in bed one day.
Discussing sex is not only awkward but is in itself an open announcement of the fact that you have been having more than just the usual thoughts about your partner. Until you are comfortable with them, sex and any other touchy issue would be too difficult to discuss.
My advice? Just say it! Even if you have decided to wait, sometimes it is all you need to break the ice. This is someone you plan on loving for a very loooooooong time I suppose? You had better work on being comfortable around them.
You have got to believe in something…every man is assisted whether by divine deity or some weird belief in the “power of the universe.” Talk about your beliefs, how you can better strengthen your convictions, prayer items, fellowship meetings and about God.
Believe me, your relationship will need a lot of this God talk if you’re to make it to the finish line!Find out if you agree on the basic tenets of your faith so you don’t misunderstand or surprisingly hurt each other in the nearest future.
6. Worries and Fears
Let me start by saying your sixth sense as a woman is your greatest asset in life. It tells you when that seemingly harmless female is getting too close for comfort, it wakes you up at night to pray even when every thing seems normal and it will inform you when he begins to misbehave.
If you’re worried about something, say it. No matter how awkward it may sound, no matter how foolish you think you might end up looking, anything that disturbs your peace of mind deserves to be discussed openly.
From the lady flirting with Bae while he harmlessly and absent mindedly send neutral smiles her way to spending and other disturbing habits getting on your nerves, just say it.
I know there are several other items to talk about that this article does not cover, you can help bring them to light by mentioning such issues in the comment box. Until I come your way next week, faya on!