By Ene Elizabeth Adeka
Last week, we dwelled extensively on how to start a relationship. Today’s topic is on the major factors of your new relationship will need to survive. These are things young people in love shy away from discussing until it is too late to implement them.
If you are in love or already in a relationship with someone, do well to discuss these points with your partner.
6 Factors that can strengthen Love
1.Values and Convictions
What exactly are the things you uphold as sacred in your life that you won’t compromise on? Have you shared it with them? Do they believe in the same things? From God to politics, how do they rate on the scale?
Assumptions are quite bad for anything in life and that includes finances. While you don’t have to go about asking them their net worth and whether or not they have some cool cash stashed away in the bank, you should have an idea about what buys you the valentine gifts or puts food on the table.
Why it matters: Knowing their financial status will not only shape expectations, it will also help you both avoid unnecessary drama, embarrassment and plan the future together bearing in mind what you can afford and what will have to go on the bucket list.
Most men don’t really have trust issues probably because men deal with things in compartments that do not mix. In a woman’s mind, everything is connected; from the meal you skipped to that consistent phone call you always excuse yourself to answer.
Before matters escalate to a full blown cold war between you two, you both need to sit down and really evaluate the walls of trust around the relationship. How well do they trust you? If no, why don’t they trust you and what can be done to remedy the situation?
It’s that simple!
“We shall cross that bridge when we get there” is the approach that got the Slay Queen pregnant. Your hormones don’t negotiate when they go on rampage. On the day when oceans decide to rise, you will need more than just “No” to calm your raging seas.
Sit your love-drunk self and ask yourself what boundaries need to be put concerning intimacy. How much is too much?
What is unacceptable?
What are your values?
What are the strategies in place for keeping the rules and regulations regarding intimacy?
5. Conflict Resolution
Resolving conflicts in relationships can admittedly be very unnerving and ego-stinging. I learnt from a mentor that it is best to never push a matter until the following day. Personally, I don’t sleep when I have unresolved issues with people.
Often times I walk around with a heavy weight on my chest and this prompts me to confront the situation and get it over with. My strategy most times when I don’t succumb to the flight or fight response is to send a text and say these three words: “I AM SORRY.”
The explanations and reasons behind why you did whatever you did can come later but until then, you need to say sorry. Pride is half the reason you’d rather put your heart in the microwave of malice than say sorry and the other half, fear of being seen as the vulnerable party. Well, love my dear is for vulnerable people.
6. Past relationships
If you don’t have an Ex, well thank God for the blessings of no bitter memories. However, if you do it matters that they know and they understand that you swept your mind clean of an Ex.
Admittedly, you cannot entirely wipe away memories you made with someone who you thought would be the love of your life forever but you can make your current feel like the ghosts of your Exs do not matter in the scheme of things and you are committed to building something worthwhile with them.
How do I do this you might want to ask?
Words of Affirmation!
Say “You know my Ex was such a good cook but your food makes me wonder whether this is the table God set before my enemies” or say nothing at all.
Say “My Ex was quite tall but your height makes me want to look up to you all the days of my life.”
You catch my drift? The constitution says “Your next must be better than your EX at all times.”
Yes my love; where are you headed with this one – vacation in the Bahamas and a terrible breakup after six months or this is the one you want to take home to Mama?
It helps to know what you want exactly from the relationship so you don’t freak out when they propose or begin to slip talks of wedding proposals, honeymoon vacation spots or the number of children they want with you. Don’t just tweet relationship goals, set them. Seriousness begins with you!
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