7 Powerful Questions You should Ask Yourself If You Are in A Relationship

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Written by

Ene Elizabeth Adeka

Some days, I know exactly what I want with razor sharp precision, other days I have to silence the noise around me, shut down some activities or sit in silence, somewhere secluded before I can arrive at a reasonable and logical conclusion.


Imagine having to go to bed every night, wondering whether someone loves you or not, if you want to spend the rest of your life with them or not, whether true love is someone out there or what you choose to make out it. You certainly don’t deserve such torture.


It is OK to not know what you want at certain periods of your life, most times certain seasons in life come like jigsaw puzzles; you have to patiently solve or find the missing piece. What is not OK is for you to blindly go through life without some sense of direction, bearing or purpose.


The Importance Of Building Profitable Relationships
On my personal Facebook page, my friends and I  always have a field day discussing the subject of relationships. This is because I have come to understand that from romance to retaining clients or building lasting friendships, everything begins and end with an understanding of relationships.

If you are stuck between two choices, what you need is a retreat not reasons as to why one choice may be better than the other.  Ultimately, you are going to need strong reasons. However, don’t go looking for reasons when you are confused. This leads me exactly to the subject of defining relationships.


“Don’t go looking for reasons when you’re confused.”


Indecisiveness is a virus that kills faster than cancer. It spreads killer tentacles into every other segment of your life and strangles the air out of the windpipe of daily living. You think you just don’t know what you want from this “cute guy” until you wake up one day and realize you have absolutely no idea where you’re headed in life.


“Indecisiveness is a virus that kills faster than cancer! “


Lady, Do You Know What You Want?
What do you want? Perhaps this is what I should have asked you from the beginning. Every relationship should  begin with a full realization of what you want out of it. Don’t end up an accidental side chick simply because you did not know what you wanted out of the relationship in the first place.


Questions You Should Ask Before You Enter a Relationship

1. What do I want? A meal ticket? A man with six packs and six cars packed ?  A trophy husband? Or a relationship that will metamorphose into something lasting and tangible? I think you have gone past the age of dating for fun. To know what you want is a miracle, the type that happens only to women who have decided to grow up.


2.Am I really ready for this? Not everyone understands the commitment and sacrifices a relationship requires. You should not be found in such a category. Perhaps, what you need now is personal development, mental transformation or career building and not the mushy feelings you crave for.


3. Are they really ready for this? It is not enough for you to be the only ready one in a relationship. You’d be doing the work of two people. Make sure you find out and are assured beyond any iota of doubt that you are not building castles in the air with someone whose attention is elsewhere.


4. How will or has this relationship contribute(d)to my desires, goals and aspirations in life? Better to pursue your dreams alone than to fall into the hands of a person who sees no reason why you should dream big. If you can’t answer that, at least they should inspire you to become a better version of yourself.


5. Are we compatible? Religious beliefs, mindsets, perspectives and how agreeable you and your beloved are towards one another will make or mar your relationship.


6. Do we have a common goal? No matter how diverse and different your pursuits in life are, there should be a point of convergence, a point where the parallels in your relationship collide and birth something meaningful and impactful.


7. Ultimately, where is this headed? Marriage or a looooooooooong term commitment with absolutely nothing to present as evidence – like that big, shiny diamond ring you so badly want on your finger.


Of course these questions would naturally follow after you must have known beyond a shadow of doubt that they  love you…if you’re not sure if they do, then you shouldn’t be thinking of asking these questions.  If you’re stuck in the valley of “I don’t know what we are doing,” you should start by first asking what they want from you.


“Sustain the courage to ask awkward questions so you don’t end up in awkward situations.”


One quick question before I leave, some soul sister sent an email asking “How best can you ask a guy if he is serious about you without having to look desperate, needy or clingy?” Let’s talk, hit the comment box! Faya on!

Photo via Pexel



  1. Dorcas atinuke Reply

    ‘Do not go looking for reasons when you are confused’ I’ll but a thumbs up on this one. I have a little question; how important is it in staying in the same location with ones partner, what makes a distance relationship not work and what make it work.

    • Energie Reply

      Every relationship has it’s unique qualities and characteristics so, while this may not be a hard and fast rule, it can apply to your relationship I believe.

      There are times when separation is inevitable due to genuine reasons. For example, job transfers, holidays apart or schooling are just few out of many reasons why at some point in your relationship, you may have to settle for long distance loving.

      First, what makes long distance relationships unsuccessful? I’m sure between the two of us, we can think up a thousand reasons…insecurities, fear, mistrust, doubts, lack of communication, lack of relationship goals, vagueness in dealing with sensitive issues but you can sum them up in two words: mistrust and miscommunication

      The keys to dealing with and managing a long distance relationship are basically founded on the same two things:
      1. Trust
      2. Communication

      If you trust each other, there would be no doubts as to what the other partner might be up to.

      If you communicate, you can always talk about your fears, your plans and together have a plan on how to not stay away for from each other for more than necessary periods.

      Talk is underrated in relationships… words of assurance and regular reinforcement of trust goes a long way in cementing the bond between two people in love.

      So, is long distance ideal for couples? Not really but what if you find yourself in that situation?

      1. Talk about your fears, suspicions, doubts, feelings! If you miss them, say so. If you’re suspecting them, say so!

      2. Always communicate…on a mutual platform, e.g calls, whatsApp or other I.M apps.

      3. Agree on visiting times.

      4. Pray for them and for yourself too. It helps a lot!

      4. Don’t let another become your personal buddy simply because your partner is absent. Hang out but don’t entangle yourself in an emotional affair or cheat with your emotions simply because they are absent.

      Also, know your primary methods of communication…find out your love language on
      I love you dahlink! Faya on!

  2. An amazing write up, one every lady in a relationship or aspiring to be in one should read to avoid been caught in an awkward situation… It’s not too late

    • Energie Reply

      Thank you so much Lucy! It’s not too late to change the story. Very true…we appreciate you stopping by. Faya on!

  3. Honestly.. You just nailed Gbam. I use to be shy of asking awkward questions back then, not anymore. And this piece just reaffirmed my boldness. Thanks bae. Truly, indecisiveness is a virus that kills faster than cancer!

    • Energie Reply

      Asking questions is an art that has to be learnt and attempted courageously. Thank you for stopping by!

  4. Many lessons in this post..
    The highlight of this post was “sustain the courage to ask the awkward questions so you don’t end up in awkward situations” very profound..

    • Energie Reply

      Thank you so much for stopping by Ms. Charis.
      Most times we shy away from asking important questions because we don’t want to come across as cheap or needy. But the truth is silence kills faster than awkwardness.

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