Is the age difference bothering you?
Generally, people accept an appreciable age difference between couples. Others do not. The problem arises when one partner starts getting uncomfortable with such a difference.
What if as a woman, you’re the older one? Also, as a man these are also the things you should look out for before committing to a relationship with appreciable age difference.
What you’ll learn
- Values and convictions
- Financial responsibilities
- Love and respect
- Leadership roles
- Sexuality and intimacy
Though a significant age difference can be a blessing in disguise, there are times when the age difference actually pose a hindrance especially when the woman is older than the man. In my country, it is even more problematic if the woman happens to be more successful than the man.
10 Things to Consider if Your Partner is Younger
1. Mindset and value systems
What are the things you agree on? A powerful advice in the book of Amos says, “Two cannot work together except they agree.” So what are the points of agreement for the both of you in matters pertaining to life, society, religion, etc.?
Do you value same things? Can you live with such person knowing what you know about them?
Key Question: What are their key mindsets about life, success, marriage and religion?
2. Leadership roles
Who heads the home?
This subject in recent times has caused a lot of unhealthy arguments on social media. No offence to your modern mind but a man by nature feels most accomplished when his masculinity is validated by protecting and providing for the one he loves.
No offense to feminism but no man will be comfortable in a relationship where his authority is questioned largely because of age difference.
Show me a man who is comfortable with being ordered around, disrespected and dishonoured and I’ll show you a man waiting for the right moment to make his escape.
And this in no way means as a woman, you should have no say in the relationship. If truth be told, the one who loves you will never use his authority over you as a way to shut you up or demand more than you can give.
Key Question: Will I RESPECT him even if he’s way younger than I am?/ Does he LISTEN to me?
3. Financial Responsibility and Stability
A man who feels less of a man because of his inability to do the things that matter to you most due to financial constraints is a man who will only love you half-heartedly until he learns to manage his temporary financial state in a way that still protects his ego.
Don’t blame him.
Although most couples still find a way to manage the relationship despite having money challenges, as the relationship proceeds, one may find the other becoming too dependent especially when the relationship develops into a full blown cohabitation.
In today’s world, financial stability is not particularly linked to any age, however earning ability and power is largely linked to behaviours in relationships. Men love to have money, flaunt it and spend it on us.
If you are way older than the man, you should discuss financial roles, make him understand that you are cool with his “temporary”financial state.
Encourage and support him and try not to put him in embarrassing financial situations. He already has the age difference to think about, don’t add the money difference to it.
Key Question: Is he threatened and uncomfortable with my current financial state/is he making efforts to earn?
Due to the age difference, one of you may be under pressure to settle down maritally and in most cases, it is the older partner. You may want to discuss tentative wedding dates and whether or not you can wait for each other.
Remember love is bravery, an act of courage and if we really love them as we claim to, we have to put aside these differences and be willing to journey with them until they can be fully committed.
Key Question: When do we hope to get married/ how long can I wait?
5. Family and friends
I always advise against divulging age differences to everyone who comes in contact with couples who have large age it is absolutdifferences.Except it is absolutely necessary, try as much as possible to keep it to yourself.
Key Question: Are we going to tell them about the age difference and what will be our decision based on their reaction (if negative)?
6. Sexual Compatibility
Attitudes towards sex are ever evolving and it is only important you know how much attraction is between you two. Ultimately, you cannot build love based solely on attraction or chemistry.
However, you may want to know how “spicy” they consider you relative to the myriads of options that daily come their way because options certainly will come their way.
Key Question: Do they find me sexually attractive?
7. Maturity and Discretion
A partner who is way younger or older but has no sense of maturity or discretion should be a classic example of who you should avoid.
Key Question: How discreetly do they handle private matters?
8. Self Esteem and General Perception
How confident are they about being in a relationship where age difference is an “issue”? Are they “cool” with it or do they seem to have an issue with being with an older or younger partner? Do they say things like “I would have but you are way older/younger”?
How often do they reinforce their trust, commitment and loyalty to you especially at times when these things are threatened?
In my opinion, the greatest marker of lasting relationships is how confident both partners are about themselves and their decision to love each other despite the age difference.
Key Question: Are they proud of you, most especially in public?
9. Social life
Most times, the parties involved may have completely different approaches to social time and spending quality time. It is ok to have different ideas of spending time. You just need to create times where you can both do fun things together.
Key Question: How outgoing or reserved are they?
10. Children and Domestic Responsibilities
How soon do you want children? Do you even want children?
Then again, the subject of taking care of the home, how chores can be split, who does what, etc. are a few of the things you may have to consider discussing extensively with your partner.
Key Question: How many children do they want? When?What are their opinions on helping out at home?
From personal to career and life goals, have you defined these goals and seen how the differences can be a blessing in disguise? This is very important especially if both of you are professionals in your fields of endeavour, seeking to further growth or opportunities at advancement.
Key Question: What are the job roles they are comfortable with?
Ultimately, love is a choice and before you begin this journey of love, take out time to study them or ask yourself these questions. I hope your love inspires others…cheers!
Did I forget anything? You can add yours in the comment box!
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