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Lifestyle

When the Serpents Come for Me – My Battle with Low Self esteem

Low self esteem is the first step in a journey  to becoming less of yourself with each passing day.

 

Before my battle with low self esteem, I used to be a bubbly little girl, curious, inquisitive (too inquisitive according to my uncles and neighbours).

 

I always saw a question mark in everything. I was young, surrounded by nice adults who probably were entertained by the whims of a little girl, untouched by life.

 

People with low self esteem suffer bouts of depression

 

In their eyes they wondered what would happen to the bubble of happiness and fantasy when I grew up, or maybe they felt that I was going to be okay and I would just get used to life.

 

Low Self Esteem

I had no idea what low self esteem meant. All I saw about life was what my imagination and child-like fantasies showed me.

 

Then, that bubbly little girl grew up and the school years began in earnest. All of a sudden, something deep and insidious began to crawl into my mind, I didn’t know what it was, I just knew that I began to hear some certain words that tore at my bubble. Slowly but surely, my bubble eventually burst and I was exposed to life.

 

As I grew , I got sucked into the middle of competition, rivalry and comparison. All of a sudden, I began to hear words; words that sowed doubt in me, words that began to cut deep and shred my perception of myself.

 

Those words would sting and bite, like the fangs of so many serpents. Everywhere I went to, they were there..in school, at home, among my friends, the venom seeped into me until I became paralyzed. By fear and self loathing.

 

Amazingly I didn’t die from the poison, I just became paralyzed. I lost my will to fight, I let go of my dreams, I lost my self esteem or  rather, I just had very little left.

That little was at least enough to get me through my studies, it was enough to push me to study to make my parents proud, it was enough to help me get into the university and keep me from doing things that I knew God and my parents would not be proud of.

 

But it wasn’t enough to help me fight for what I wanted, make me love and accept myself or  build my self esteem. It wasn’t even enough to make me look inward and discover the treasures God had deposited in me.

 

Gaining a Sense of Healthy Self Esteem

Then I found Jesus Christ and I believed in His love.

Slowly, my self esteem began to grow stronger and higher. Words had always been my enemy and anytime I sniffed a whiff of that venom, I automatically called my defenses. Since  words were a source of pain, they were also a source of healing as well.

 

I closed myself off from people who had nothing but scathing remarks to say and  met people whose words gave my self esteem a big boost.I clung to those people and I sometimes clung too hard. I saw them as sources of refuge, in their company I was free to be myself and I loved them, loved them hard.

 

But like the puppy love syndrome, they began to pull away, feeling smothered. Some of them ripped themselves out of my grip, others gently loosened my grip on them….and then I learned that I had to be my own cheerleader.

 

Stop Being a Leech

No matter how much you claim to love someone, if you have a low self esteem about yourself, you will end up being a leech to them.

As I started building my relationship with God, I discovered that HE alone could heal me, HIS words are like the balm of Gilead and that was the only thing that could permanently heal my scars and my self esteem as well.

Low self esteem keeps you in the darkness

It’s been a wonderful journey and I still have some miles to go but I have learned and I am still learning that my self esteem comes from my relationship with HIM. In Him, I am complete and only in HIM will I ever find wholeness and completeness. My battle with self esteem has taught me the power of words.

 

The Ultimate Cure for Low Self Esteem

Words are powerful, they can tear down and build up, they can kill and make alive, they can destroy and they can heal and I have developed a shield and a filter.

 

I am learning to take apart the words I hear and dissect them, taking in the ones that can build me and throwing away the ones that attempt to bring me down.

 

I also discovered the healing power of words as well because low self esteem is a real, agonizing and painful malady and the cure is not in any hospital in the world.

You can win the low self esteem battle

Its in our tongues so the next time you are tempted to use words to tear down and injure a person’s self esteem, remember that your words have power and they never die.

 

Are you discouraged and sad all the time? You can leave a message here and together we can get back your bubble of happiness.

Freelance writer and web content developer

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