By Ene Elizabeth Adeka
Soooooooo…the town crier just announced that it would be Valentine’s day in a bit. You want to talk about the hunk of flesh that has been keeping you awake at night? Darling, whisper the story into my ears. You ought to let it all out so we can arrive at a reasonable conclusion before you lose your head. But before you begin your Romeo and Juliet tale, please allow me to “pre-punctuate” your love life with some very steamy advice.
Some Funny Reasons Why People Remain Single
With February 14 just around the corner, I recently decided to research on why people stay single and the inner me did not agree with the answers that turned up. Nope! I read answers like:
“Being single gives you the liberty to sleep in your own bed even after an argument.” Where else are you supposed to sleep after an argument, the floor?
“Nobody has to stalk you on WhatsApp or question your last seen.” Darling, serious loving comes with a bit of stalking. How else would you know if he’s had dinner or not? Chew that!
“You get to keep your habits.” Really???
“You get to have sex with any and everybody.” Let the audience say “ooooooooooooooh no!”
“Single girls can eat whatever they want.” And while they are at it, they might as well get overweight.
I can hear some African aunt saying that is exactly why the lady who wrote that is still single at 40. If you think any of the above excuses are valid reasons to shy away from a relationship, you need plenty of “alone time” alone. No hard feelings Hun, but this is the truth pill you have got to swallow.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO SAY YES?
Honestly, I am happy the dude is sending some winks your way but are you sure a relationship is what you need come February 14? I am starting with the singles because most times, valentine’s day sets the tone for a lot bad decisions and hasty commitments. While it is good to finally bump into Mr. Right, it is even more important that the both of you are right for each other. Only two “Rights” can make a relationship work.
So, dear single lady, before you commit your heart, time, resources and emotions into a relationship, and before he slips that ring into your finger or take you out for a cosy dinner by candlelight somewhere, can we please stop the onward march that would ultimately only end in a disastrous relationship?
Don’t roll those eyes at me; scoot over to the other side so we can have a serious conversation about your love life. Grab a notebook let’s quickly review 5 reasons why you should remain single this valentine, at least until you are sure the time is right to awaken love.
5 REASONS WHY YOU SHOULD REMAIN SINGLE (for now)
- If you just broke up, stay off the relationship lane. Hurt people, hurt other people. You need time to heal and really ask yourself why the last relationship failed. Do not join the relationship band wagon. Admittedly, only love can heal hurt but you should consider turning off the green lights you are flashing at us until you’re sure you can drive again. You are sure to get the hint from some guy who has been checking you out this valentine, receive the strength and the courage to tell him you are healing. The right guy will bring bandages my darling not give ultimatums.
- If you do not have clear-cut goals for your life, halt! Sisterly, I know Romeo may have supernatural powers that can help open your eyes to the infinite possibilities and potentials you house inside but let’s face it; life in the 21st century comes with a lot of responsibility and the sooner you realize that no man wants a bum for a bae, the better for your love-life will be. Set goals; relationship goals, financial goals, personal goals and begin to score them. Who knows? You just might kick your ball into the right net.
- If you are craving sex, baby curve! No man would ever want to be your “use and dump” specimen. There are better ways to handle your mischievous hormones other than a one night stand. Take a cold shower, go to the cinema, surround yourself with neutral friends or pray! If you cannot pray, meditate on the dangers of an unwanted pregnancy, STDs, or that feeling you get when you wake up from the bed of regret after dipping your hands in the cookie jar. On the brighter side, think of how sex with the right person would be absolutely enjoyable. The RIGHT person!
- If you have no crystal -clear idea where he is headed or what he wants from you, rrrrrrrrrrrun my darling. Be your own Usain Bolt and when you get to the finish line, I will be right there waiting to hand you an Olympic Relationship Gold Medal. Sweetheart, draw close let me whisper something. The next time you notice a guy flanking around you like a peacock, ask him, “How far?”
How far is not a proposal or an invitation to put him under unnecessary pressure. It is simply another way of saying, “Ok dude, you win. I haven’t been sleeping well lately because you have been on my mind. So what exactly do you want? A wife, maid, colleague, business partner, friend with benefits or a side chick?
You see society will teach you that you’d come across as cheap when you ask such questions but which would you rather prefer? That we all consider you cheap while you rest in the assurance that your relationships are defined or you let us all assume you are a couple and wake up one day to cockroach brown and green envy aso ebi wedding colours of the love of your life with another woman? Lemme come and be going…a word is enough for the wise.
- If you all you need is a meal ticket or a no-return ticket out of poverty, lack and want, hell no ma’am! Let that man go! He ain’t no ATM, Bitcoin or walking bank vault. What you need is direction, away from all your friends and home girls telling you “You have made it in this laive (life). We all want a prince charming that can make money rain like Elijah called down fire, but sincerely, what can you bring to the table? Winged eyelashes, bronzed face and your make up kit? Sisturrrrr, head quickly to Safaya Money and epp (help) your life.
- If you have not invested in your mind, swerve to my lane. Take a seat baby and let’s polish your mind before you smack on some lipstick and spray the love potion perfume. Say after me, “ Every relationship is first psychological before it is physical.” I didn’t hear you loud and clear.
Say after me again, “The greatest psychological need of every human being including the man I love is the need to feel loved, valued and deeply appreciated.” If you are not prepared to give those in love, stay single my darling.
- If you have not learnt to be your own fan, you would simply be putting the poor guy under pressure. You have to be willing to motivate yourself on days when the compliments do not come as expected, you have to be courageous enough to believe you are beautiful regardless of whether he says it or not and you have to have faith enough in yourself to believe life can go on whether or not he decides to pop the question this valentine.
Before I come your way again with more survival tip, slide into the comment box my darling and let us know some survival tips for valentine. Some soul sister may desperately be in need of your assistance. Questions and suggestions are welcome too. Remember, love is a verb and faya on!