The Sixth Love Language

Could There Be a Sixth Love Language?

Could there be a sixth love language? I remember the day vividly. I had been sick for a while, and though my body was still weak, I was finally on the mend.

As word spread that I was feeling better, a few friends decided to visit. They loved me, and I had no doubt about that. Their presence was proof—they came bearing warm smiles, kind words, and the comfort of companionship.  

Wanting to make them feel at home, I decided to cook. It wasn’t because they asked me to; I just wanted them to have a good time. So I went to the kitchen, still a bit unsteady, but determined.

As I moved between the gas cooker and the sink, stirring, chopping, and plating (I was cooking spaghetti, I think?), I kept waiting for someone to join me—to at least ask if I needed help.  

But no one did.  

They laughed in the living room, enjoying each other’s company, oblivious to the effort I was making. In their defence, I should have asked for help but everyone was having such a good time when I decided to get up and cook (unprovoked).

For a while, I kept waiting. Then finally, one person wandered into the kitchen and said, “Do you need help with anything?” Then another came. And another. By the time the meal was ready, we were all together, laughing, and sharing the load.

 In that moment, I realized something: love is not just about presence; it is about perception. It is not just about feeling; it is about foresight.

Love, at its purest, is consideration. 

Phew!

Consideration: The Love Language That Sees

We all know the five love languages—words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Dr. Gary Chapman’s framework has helped millions understand how love is expressed and received

But what if we’ve been missing something? What if there was a sixth love language? One that runs deeper than action and words?  

Consideration.

Love is often defined by what we do for someone—but what about what we notice without being told?

Consideration is the love language that requires no prompting. It is the friend who senses you’re exhausted and takes over the dishes. The partner who notices your stress and takes something off your plate. The colleague who lightens your workload without being asked.

You see when decisions are made in love, most times you won’t be around to second or reject the motion.  And when the chips are down, that’s where you should not be—a place where you’re not considered.

Roses are Red But Have You Seen Shege*? 

Shege pronounced \’Shay-gay\’ is a Nigerian swear word used to refer to any kind of difficult or uncomfortable situation. Allow me to explain it. 

I understand roses, chocolates and other sweet nothings but let me tell you, my darling, any love that is devoid of consideration will be painful. Even with consideration, love is still rose bush; sometimes it pricks you, and most times it scents and looks lovely even with the thorns.

When you remove consideration, you have just thorns with occasional flowers. In the words of my country people, shege, is all you’re left with when you remove consideration from the love equation. You will see shege! You gerrit?

Consideration is love that anticipates. Love that doesn’t wait to be called upon.

It is the ability to perceive, without being told, what another person might need. Consideration is the wisdom to act in kindness without waiting for an invitation. It is the foresight to see beyond yourself.

So, I didn’t need grand gestures from my friends that day. I didn’t need gifts or long speeches about how much they cared. I just needed someone to say, “You shouldn’t be doing this alone. Let me help.”

Consideration is the love language that notices. It is the friend who senses that you’re tired and offers to drive. The spouse who sees you struggling with a task and quietly steps in. The colleague who realizes you’re overwhelmed and lightens your load.  

It is love that speaks before words are needed.  

Why Consideration is the Purest Form of Love

While the five love languages focus on how we express love, consideration focuses on how we interpret love. It’s about looking beyond ourselves and asking: “What does this person need right now?”

Too often, we love people in ways that are convenient for us, not in ways that truly matter to them. We assume our presence is enough. We assume our love is understood. But true love sees beyond itself.  It considers the other person!!!

How to Love with Consideration

1. Observe More, Assume Less– Pay attention to what people are not saying. Love is often in the details.

2. Act Without Being Asked – If someone has to ask, the moment has already passed.

3. Balance Intentions with Impact– Good intentions are beautiful, but they are meaningless if they do not translate into thoughtful action.

4. Be Present in Mind, Not Just in Body – Love is not just about showing up; it is about showing up with awareness and the readiness to do and overdo.

Consideration: The Love That Transforms

That day in my kitchen, I learned something powerful. Love is not just about what people do for you—it is about how deeply they see you. Consideration is love in its most selfless form, because it requires us to step out of ourselves and into the reality of another.

My biggest example of consideration is….wait for it…God! One of the most profound examples of God’s consideration in loving us is found in Psalm 103:13-14:

As a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him; for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust.

God doesn’t just love us in grand, sweeping gestures—He considers our frailty, our struggles, and our unspoken needs. He considers all these things before He acts or speaks!

Love, at its best, is thoughtful  I was grateful for having friends around me who didn’t just spend quality time, they considered my weakness and proceeded to show acts of service. Without consideration, we fail to know when to show the appropriate love language.

Love, at its best, is thoughtful. And perhaps, in the hierarchy of love languages, consideration is the highest form of all. Today, tell someone I CONSIDER YOU!

PS: This article is dedicated to Ms. Rachael. I promised that my next elaborate writing would be dedicated to her. Rachael, I “consider” ❤️ you. 

And to Sweetness Cakes for “forcing” me to write on “Consideration”, thank you!

Let’s connect on Instagram: @writewithenergie