Relationships

Why Saying ‘I Love You’ Is Hard: 5 Strong Reasons You Love Half-heartedly

Iyinoluwa Oludiya

They stood leaning against the railings of the balcony of his third floor apartment, looking up at the night sky. It was beautiful; the stars dusted all over the sky shone brighter today than they had in a long time. She shivered slightly as the cold wind hit her skin but she didn’t want to go in, the night had gone perfectly and standing there in silence with him felt so good. He put his hand around her and drew her in slightly.

“You’re cold. Should we go in?” He asked.

“No.” She replied shaking her head. “I’m enjoying it out here.”

He picked up her scarf, draped from a chair behind them, and wrapped it round her then held her close to him.

She smiled.

Being with him was awesome. He was the perfect guy for her in her opinion and she couldn’t dream of anybody better. She looked up at him then turned back to the night sky as she replayed the events of the day in her mind.

“I really enjoyed today. I wish we didn’t have to part ways tonight.” She said turning to face him.

“Me too,” He said smiling slightly. “But we really don’t have much of a choice.”

“Yeah…” She said reaching up to touch his beard.

She could feel his eyes studying her face but wouldn’t look up to face him as she put her full concentration on his beard. Just as she was about to turn away and put her focus back on the sky, he put his finger under her chin and pushed her face up slightly so she was looking straight at him.

“I love you.” He said.

For a moment there she felt herself freeze, she wasn’t sure what to do.

“Of course you do. I’m very lovable.” She replied sticking her tongue out and turning away.

“I’m serious.” He said turning her back around to face him and as she looked at him, searching his eyes she could see nothing but pure love in them. He adored her.

“I know you are.” She said dropping her gaze to his chest.

 

Expressing Emotions Require Courage

It had always been hard for her to say those three words: I Love You. Fine, she could throw a casual “Love ya!” at a friend but when things got serious she shied away from saying it. She found it hard to say it to her family and friends and now it was even harder to say it to the guy she loved.

They had been dating for ten months and he had said it a number of times before but she just couldn’t bring herself to say it back to him even though she loved him with everything she had in her. She knew he knew she loved him but she also knew he needed to hear her say it aloud.

She could never understand how people could throw those words around casually like they didn’t mean anything when they were such serious words to her. She had friends that had said the L word as early as two weeks into a relationship and her mind could not just comprehend it.

She believed those words should only be said after much thought and when that person was absolutely sure that they meant it with their whole heart. For her saying those words was a very big deal and she didn’t intend to say them till she was absolutely sure that it was true and there was no turning back. She felt like saying those words meant letting go of a bit of her strength and independence.

“Babe it’s alright if you don’t want to say it now. No pressure, for real.” He said pulling her out of her thoughts and into a warm embrace.

5 Reasons You Shy Away From Saying “I Love You”

While a lot of people spit out the “L-word” very easily, it’s still hard for quite a number of people to say it even when they actually mean it. To such people, saying those words mean pulling off a layer of the protective shield around their hearts thereby leaving room for vulnerability and opening it up to hurt and pain. The reluctance to say these words can find its roots in many different reason

1. Fear of Commitment: Saying the L word means putting your all into a relationship and eliminating other options which could have been potential escape routes.

Solution: Your girlfriends will not agree with me but at this point in your life, you don’t need a one night stand or a date with no future attached to it. Wake up to responsibilities like trust, faithfulness and long-term relationship goals. If you’re not too young to date, you are also not too young to commit.

2. Not wanting to get Hurt: Somehow, you think these words make it easier for you to get hurt by the person who knows you love them.

Solution: Love is a risk Hun, truth is somebody needs you to feel their love tank and holding back is only going to make yours go empty faster than you can say “blink.”

3. Not Having Enough People Around you Say it: Some people have never really heard their parents or family members say those words to each other or to them and that makes it a bit scary for them to say it out to others.

Solution: Perhaps you grew up in a household like that, it is ok to feel awkward at first but practice makes perfect.

4. Fear of Rejection: Rejection hurts and it just seems easier to take rejection when those words have not been said out loud yet.

Solution: If you experience rejection simply because you took the risk to express your emotions, then such person does not deserve your diamond heart in the first place. Ditch the loser and watch someone awesome come your way. Life is too short to spend loving some unappreciative human.

5. Not Wanting to Appear Needy: For some, these words means needing this other person and they don’t want to look needy but strong and like they can survive with or without this person.

 

Solution: “We all need somebody to lean on…” nobody is an island, remember this whenever you are tempted to feel cheap or clingy or needy. Every person who looks strong and independent to you actually has a weakness and a tender spot. They also have their private moments where they wished they had someone to share their hearts with.

Perfect Love Casts Out Fear

A wise king once said, “Do not awaken love until the time is right.” It’s ok to be someone who doesn’t want to say those words till you are absolutely ready but don’t keep them in until the day the people around you start feeling unloved. Being vulnerable is not completely a bad thing as it makes you even more human. You can overcome your fear of the L word.

Which one of these fears do you have? Send us an email…

Love someone but you are afraid to say so? Help them help you by sharing this article with them. Faya on!

Freelance Writer and web content developer

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