Your Relationship is Like Chess: Every Move Matters!

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Ene Elizabeth Adeka

Your relationship is your kingdom, fight for it.

Have you ever said something you later regretted or had a conversation you replayed in your mind after the other left, and thought about things you should have said, not said or said better???

Love and chess are not two parallels but are interestingly similar. Chess is a game of tactics and strategy, needle-sharp precision and also vulnerability. Love devoid of these three things would ultimately fizzle out. To win, you must sometimes put yourself in harm’s way. I have heard that Chess players are quite romantic…you may want to explore that possibility.



Love heightens our senses, exaggerates our perspectives and blows our emotions our out of proportion. The tendency to be impulsive is quite frankly a characteristic of someone who is ‘head over heels.’ You want to do more, say more, feel more and give more. The question then remains as to how to artfully master your emotions, actions or tongue depending on what your own impulsivity may entail.


For the majority of us, we tend to lean towards the hurtful side of things. One of the things we have got to learn even as love sweeps us off our feet is the ability to put a rein on everything that may want to check us out before the game is over. Below are five ways to better handle your relationship. If you’re a lover of chess, well congratulations! Chess up your love!


The King

Esther and Vashti in the book of Esther in the Bible were women who both tasted of and drank from the cup of royalty.However, one was wise and the other was foolish. Vashti, somewhere along the line forgot that her husband was both a lover and at the same time royalty. Familiarity is the key word here.  The day she got used to his kingship and dared to be openly impudent, she lost her tiara and went from main chic to barbecue in the blink of an eye.


Somewhere in the heart of every man lies a king unleashed…what you do, how you act or respond to him will largely go a long way in bringing out this side. Kings go to war when their authority is threatened.


In your relationship, you must never belittle the man in public. This is not some archaic, cave-man principle that seeks to put your relevance under. The same way you thrive as a woman when compliments abound towards you, a man ultimately will give you up to “half of his kingdom ” when you lavish him with praise. Ask Queen Esther!


The Kingdom

If the stakes are not high in your relationship, you’d be complacent, nonchalant and completely careless. Your love relationship is not the relationship you have with your college roommate or your BFF (except of course if your BFF is your partner).


You must identify early where you both are headed, what you are building or want to build, where you want to build and how you want to build. Protecting the kingdom is ultimately the sole aim of the game of chess. There must be a victor or a vanquished.

Don’t let your kingdom be taken, don’t let the enemy take you by surprise. Every move, act and decision must be carefully examined and meditated upon before they are executed. After all, a wise king once said about 2000 years ago, “Who is that man wanting to go to war that would not first consider the cost of winning?”


The Knights

The same way no man is an island so also no kingdom is devoid of subjects, knights or allies. While these people may not necessarily know the nitty- gritty details of your kingdom, they are important to stick around.


Just imagine how your life would have been if Bill Gates was your partner’s best friend. You sure would have had a stake in Microsoft depending on how well you took care of the relationship.


Well, it’s not too late; begin to identify the Bill Gates, Warren Buffets, Oprah Winfreys and Aliko Dangotes that constitute your friends in the relationship.  Depending on how well you carry out your survey, in the nearest future you’d ultimately have a strong fortress made up of the movers and shakers of this generation or a bunch of losers or worse still enemies. Your kingdom needs no enemies my darling, it needs allies.


The Pawns

Sometimes, you have got to take advantage of some things to help make your relationship better. Pawns to sacrifice in your relationship could be your ego, pride, arrogance, timidity, selfishness, anger, bitterness, unforgiveness and jealousy (well, this one cannot be sacrificed entirely. You have got to leave a memento). These things if not dealt with would constitute a stumbling block for you in the relationship.


If you’re wrong, say sorry.

If you’re scared, point out your fears.

If you’re the type that internalizes hurts (like me), sweetheart you have got to learn to open that pretty mouth of yours and call a spade a spade.


The Bishops

There must be someone or persons you submit to as a spiritual head over your relationship or a mentor(s). You have got to have that someone. It could be your religious leaders, an older woman or a woman whose marriage you admire so much.


Mentors have made the mistakes you are yet to make. Think on that! Supposing you want to marry a multi-millionaire for instance, the last thing you should be found doing is making friends with a woman who is married to a bum. You are the company you keep, so also your relationship.


In conclusion, just as I earlier stated, love is a high-risk, high-profit venture. The winner either takes it all or loses it all. I am personally guided by one rule in love: owe no man nothing except love.


If you are already in a relationship, or about to pledge your undying commitment to someone, you should do your job so well that should in case they decide to ditch you, they would look for someone like you to replace you and since there can be only one you…you get my point.

Hit the comment box and share your thoughts, advice or multi-million dollar wisdom secrets on love.

Enjoy your day Lovelies and Faya on!!!



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