Premarital Sex: Should We Talk About It?

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Premarital sex can be a very awkward topic to discuss especially in this our popular pop culture that shies away from discussing anything that looks controversial. However, when it comes to intimacy and sexual desires, what you don’t want to be caught doing is sitting on the fence.


Most times when I hear people say, “Sex before marriage breeds intimacy,” I am tempted to ask what their definition of intimacy is. Just because you have regular sex doesn’t mean the relationship will last long.


Don’t get caught in the web of lies that tell you if you don’t give him sex, he will look outside. A man who wants to look outside will look outside even if your relationship is a dungeon with no windows. And that’s why Black Safaya recommends that you openly and honestly discuss PREMARITAL SEX with your partner – even if you are already doing IT!


Premarital Sex Points You Should Touch

  1. Why you don’t want premarital sex(your values and convictions)
  2. What their views are concerning premarital sex.
  3. Boundaries that can be set to help avoid premarital sex.
  4. Sleep overs and private date nights.
  5. Relationship goals.


Starting the Premarital Sex Discussion:  9 Things You Can Do

How can I start the premarital sex discussion?

Before you commit to them, that is my straight forward answer most times. When you meet someone you like, your first assignment is to get to know them thoroughly. Below are ways you can deal with premarital sex issues.


1.Be vocal about your values and convictions

On your journey to bonding with him, the first thing that should be prominent in your discussions with him are your values and convictions. If premarital sex is not on your relationship To-Do-List, I expect you to be vocal about it. Depending on his reaction, you will know whether to commit or not.

Most times, young couples wait until love happens before they frantically begin to set boundaries that don’t last two minutes in the relationship. But you’re not most couples, you are a member of the Safaya family and that is why you’re going to have that discussion today. Amen!


2. Relationship Goals

My mentor taught me something powerful; most couples who end up having sex are people who have no concrete goal for their relationship. From when they plan to get married to what they want their relationship to model, these couples have no end in sight.

Setting goals (marital, moral and personal) for your relationship will help preserve the awareness of that your relationship is something beautiful which you must protect at all cost.


3.Know Your Love Language

In his book, The Five Love Languages, Dr. Gary Chapman identified 5 ways that best communicates love to a person and chief among them is PHYSICAL TOUCH! Sometimes, the problem is you my darling.

You want to be cuddled, hugged and you become all mushy thinking MANS NOT HOT! Man’s hot my love and to avoid burning, you have to understand that a man is ever ready for sex so what you see as a communication of love, he sees as a basic necessity of life.


In order to avoid getting hurt or finding yourself in compromising situations, I suggest you both head over to and take love language test. If you are in the physical touch club, discuss your results and areas of vulnerability. That way, nobody can claim premarital sex happened by accident.


4.Be Honest

You’re not a robot…there are days you want to throw caution to the wind and just steal waters. Forget about what your holier-than-thou best friend said to you…except she doesn’t genuinely love that guy, there are days her thoughts get naughty.

What you don’t want to do is take her advice and act all pretty when it feels like you’re sitting on a volcano that is about to erupt. If he genuinely loves you and you know he is responsible, there’s no harm in cancelling the date when your body is on fire.

Do it honourably and let him know why. Not only will you save yourself the pain of regret, he’ll also know how serious you are about staying off limits.


 5. Avoid Isolated Areas and Sleep Overs

It is impossible to consistently stay in dark corners with the love of your life and expect to come out unhurt. Sometimes these situations are unavoidable and you may occasionally find yourself alone with him. However, when you make it a habit to always visit when emotions are high and the lights are off, sooner or later, the sheets will bear tales of your clandestine affairs.


6. Repetition Creates Persuasion

The closer you become, the harder it gets to enforce these rules. At times like this, what you should do is not give in to their demands but remind them of the reason you both ruled out premarital sex in the first place.


 7. Pray for each other

Yes! When before and when it becomes overwhelming, find courage to pray for them and ask them to pray for you too.


8. Flee

If all these fail, flee. In fact your first response to premarital sex is to flee first before you embark on damage control. The wrong time to embark on a counselling mission is when they are high or horny. Sis run, please run.

If however, you gave in to the desire, I want you to know that you are not alone and you can still save the relationship from hitting the rocks. This brings us to the next point.


9.  Stay accountable

First to your partner and then to someone you wholly trust. This person must be someone, whose character has been tried and tested over the years, demonstrates an exceptional level of maturity and one whom you’re willing to humbly take instructions from.


I’d like to add a warning to the women who shame men for being sexually attracted to them. I don’t know about you but if Bae does not view you as a snack, you might as well do ahead and date a log of wood. Make sure in your communications with him, you’re really honest about your sexuality.


And no, we don’t want to hear what you discussed on social media. What was discussed in Lagos should stay in Lagos. Share this article with someone you love…faya on! I really look forward to hearing your views on PREMARITAL SEX in the COMMENT SECTION!

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