By Ene Elizabeth Adeka
There are two kinds of silence: ‘silence’ and ‘a man’s silence.’ Say “Yeah!” if you have tasted from the cup of silence a man can dish out without batting an eye lid.
I know you have been there…that awkward moment in time where you wonder if you had an epic wardrobe malfunction only your man can see or he is about to call off the whole relationship. The valley of silence as I like to call it is quite a very familiar territory for a man.
Today, I want to show you how you can use a man’s most effective strategy when dealing with issues to your advantage. Interested?
Is He Giving You the Silent Treatment?
Blogger, writer and chef Rachael Ringnan Yarling of momentswithrry.com in her upcoming book which by the way will be published thanks to free support and training by SAFAYA WRITERS, exposes us to the psychology of a woman. Just as a woman has many sides to her, a man is also multifaceted and has one million ways of communicating the issues in his heart.
Here is a BIG SECRET: A man’s silence will tell you more than his words would.
I know your girls clique said to go and shout on the rooftops when he is silent but that’s why they have had serial breakups. You can learn to understand a man better by studying periods when he is silent. Listen, we need your relationship to work and it can only work if you have the relevant wisdom, obtain the right knowledge and apply the right understanding to unique situations.
Two (2) Powerful Reasons Responsible For His Silence
A man talks only when the battle is over or when he feels like it. Making him talk when he is not ready will only turn into a full blown resentment for you or worse still, he’ll consider you a nag and your consistent questions like the dripping of a leaky faucet.
There are two (2) powerful reasons that can result in a man being silent:
- How he processes information
- He finds it difficult to share feelings verbally
How He Processes Information
Men love to live in a cave. They have successfully landed a man on the moon from the cave, they chose to love you from that cave, they will marry you in that cave and live with you in it. It called the psychological cave and until they hand you over the keys to the kingdom, you remain a pilgrim in their hearts.
Your assignment is not to pull him out of familiar territory, your mission is to get him to roll the rock and bring you in, baby. Women prefer to ‘talk it out” while men prefer to “think it out” or “work it out ALONE.”
A man is not going to fix why he thinks you are unhappy by calling a round table discussion on why you have been throwing tantrums for the same reason he would not tell you of the business deal he thinks might go bad: it’s none of your business even if you are a stakeholder!
Painful but that’s what you signed up for.
Silence on the part of a man does not always mean he’s about to send you packing, disinterest, anger, indifference or depression. Sometimes THEY ARE JUST PROCESSING INFORMATION!
He Finds It Difficult To Share Feelings Verbally
Late Dr. Myles Munroe in his book, understanding the Power and Purpose of Man said this about your man:
“Women often don’t understand how hard it is for men to express their feelings. It’s very important for a woman not to come to any firm conclusions about a man’s motivation for what he is saying until she discovers what he is feeling.”
Your man can approach enemy lines, subdue lions or unflinchingly look at a gun pointed at him without showing a hint of fear. But this is an entirely different matter when it comes to discussing his feelings.
What Does His Silence Mean?
Your man’s silence can drive you crazy and almost cause you to act in frenzy but trust me, you can demystify his silence. Your first success in flawlessly handling moments when he shuts the door in your face begins when you understand how men process information and feelings.
Falling in love is quite scary for a man contrary to what you believe. This is because for once in their handsome existence, something is out of their control. I think we should pause here and sing a song of victory!
Men love to be in control on the wheels, of their vision, at work, in school, on the basketball court, where ever they find themselves, they always want to be in charge!
So asking him why he is silent especially if YOU are the reason behind the silence is like asking a child to hand over his favourite candy stick. From the perspective of a man, sharing his feelings can make him vulnerable to you and trust me girl, whatever you’re vulnerable to is your weak spot and whatever is a weak spot, will be difficult to control. What did I say again about control?
11 Ways to Communicate When He Is Silent
1. Don’t assume you know what is wrong.
2. You cannot control him but you can control your response. Learn to respond and not react to changes in your relationship.
3. Don’t go on social media. Don’t go about asking opinions or telling everyone in your circle he has been acting up. Admittedly, you may want to pour out your frustrations too. Find someone mature, a journal or a trusted friend. Three is a crowd already as it is.
4. Don’t give him the silent treatment too. I know the other women in you always advise you to draw the curtains on him when he “begins to act up.”
Trust me, you are only handing him his favourite weapon. Chances are that even in those periods of silence he might chip in few words. Be on the lookout for those times and respond
5. Let him know how important his feelings are to you. He won’t be silent forever. Cook his favourite meal or a bottle of wine and boom! Drop the 411, write on a card or send a text, preferably when you are not together to avoid awkwardness or sending him back into the cave. Do NOT talk about how frustrated he’s made you, I repeat, DO NOT!
6. Share your feelings too. Wanting what you do not give is theft. Why would he be motivated to talk about his feelings when you are as silent as a graveyard?
7. Get busy. Perhaps you are worried about how silent he’s been because all you do each day is sit and think about him.
A man cannot entertain you 24/7. There is the future to plan, vision to execute, hobbies to engage in and friends to hang out with. Get a life outside of your relationship.
8. Pray for him and with him. Nothing beats the good old prayer! Couples who pray for each other and together, stay together.
9. Sometimes just hold his hands and say nothing. Your presence is enough antidote to kill the silence eventually.
10. Give him some credit. You are not his mother and he can take care of himself. Men hate it when you always want to be the hero. Superman actually sounds a lot better than superwoman.
11. Admit you are into him when he is out of the cave. The time for playing hard to get is up sis. You are his’ already. Men love sublimely expressive women. Macho does not prove mucho, says a wise old heart in love.
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